He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. "Patient: "Right around the entrance. An iwitness. "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher. You spend so much time on the course. Its tricera-bottom! The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day. ""My God!" You go on ahead. Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. 5 One says, Spit out your gum, and the other says, Choo choo choo!. The Big MacKerel! he shouted. His wife was standing nearby watching him. 234. 280. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container. ", A man stands in line at an ATM in Moscow. What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie? Dia-purrs! 171. 1 What did the pirate say when he turned 80? 101. Where do happy lightning bolts live? Aloha. Is it mine or the machines?". Whats the best way to woo a math teacher? Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal to someone else, will receive unlimited free liquor for the duration of the flight! 97. A woman walked up to a little old redneck rocking in a chair on his porch. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Their bats flew away. ", Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. They spray the rabbit with the bottle, and it comes back to life. IHOP. Why do golfers always bring an extra pair of pants? Funny For Dreadlocks Adjectives List of funny for dreadlocks adjectives to help modify your slogan. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Two redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. What is an astronauts favorite key on a keyboard? How did the barber win the race? "I responded, "Inflation. Here, I will give you an example, do you own a weed Wacker? Jim said. Two guys walk into a bar. The manager was confused and asked him, "Don't you mean 'You are history'?" 58. What's stranger than seeing a catfish? ", My nagging wife died suddenly on a trip to Jerusalem. An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. A man is driving down a highway, and he hits and kills a rabbit. What did one horse say to the other? 69. That hit the spot. A URLologist. 115. 255. A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. Mississippi. Data! Aye matey. What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? ", Once, a mosquito walked into a clinic. This is one of our favorite joke books. 76. 129. Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party? ", Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. Let's be honest - dirty jokes can be a hit or a miss. What did one plate say to the other? Delighted with their new word they merrily played through the night and went to bed late. How do you get Pikachu on a bus? "He replied, "Neither do I. 146. Did you hear about the polite clown? What kind of tree fits in your hand? Yep! The wiser fish greets the two as he passes, saying, "Morning, boys! 193. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? The cornertheyre usually 90 degrees. How do celebrities stay cool? At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. Haloumi! What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? The past, present and future walked into a bar. What do you call a bee that cant make up its mind? Jokes - Short Funny Jokes - Your Favorite Joke of the Day - Jokerz Why did the can crusher quit his job? Say there, says the farmer, you fellers didnt happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?, The first hunter says, Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin about a hundred miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!, The old farmer said, Thats impossible. Secondhand stores. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. Print them off for free! Studying the Miranda Rights. Goodbye, 2022. I don't like getting the cold shoulder. A dinosaur was in a car accident. ", My boss was honest with me today. What are a sharks two most favorite words? It was looking for a byte to eat. A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second? 21 What are the only two seasons a Redneck can name? They go to the meat-ball. Why are toilets always so good at poker? Take a look at this collection of jokes and have a good time! Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. It ran out of juice! After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. I don't file my nails. They only have one tail. However, one smart flight attendant had an idea. Because he was outstanding in his field. Why don't cats tell stories? Funny Jokes for Kids 1. Pup-eroni pizza! A brick. We agreed and soon the coffee arrived. Wheeeee! "The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. The boy asked, Paw, Whats at? The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, Son, I dunno. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Between you and me, something smells! "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long? Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.This must be a mistake, the man says. I sure wish my friends were back here. Vel-crows. In fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store. Chris James is black and has a British accent.Want to see more Stand Up Comedy? Whats an astronauts favorite candy? To get his quarter back. 200 Short Jokes That Will Have You Laughing Your Socks Off (Closed), I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics). ", A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, "Do you know her? A cocker-poodle boo. What do you call a crocodile wearing a vest? Why is it impossible to starve in the desert? Cliff. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. "Help! "The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face. The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says, "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive". Where did the music teacher leave her keys? What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. "Don't you mean big pause? What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Why do you go to bed at night? 262. 210 Funny Jokes for Kids: Best Kid-Friendly Jokes and Puns "A nurse tells the third man, "Congratulations! What do you call someone who cant stick with a diet? Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. Employee They Disrespected, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets, Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director, "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past, 50 Frightening Pics That Make Us Want To Stay As Far Away From The Ocean As Possible (New Pics), This Online Group Is Dedicated To Things That Are Inexplicably Satisfying, Here Are 50 Of The Best Ones (New Pics), The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users, Employee Maliciously Complies To Work Only His 8 1/2 Hours, Makes The Company Lose $85k Per Year, Cat Hats For Every Occasion: This Artist Crochets Funky Hats For Cats, And Here Are Her Best 38 Works, Each Of My Mandalas Is Designed For A Particular Baby, And Here Are My Latest 38 Photographs From The Series: The Kids Of The Sun (38 New Pics), Hey Pandas, Tell Us About Your Worst Birthday Ever, This Artist Specializes In Creating Tiny Animal Portraits, And Here's Some Of His Work (18 Pics), 22 Powerful Works of Art As A Response To The Disastrous Earthquake In Turkey, As A Digital Artist, I Can Create An Alternative Reality Representing The World Of Dreams And This Is How It Looks (28 Pics), 50 Times People Had A Beautiful Tattoo Idea And It Got Executed Perfectly, "False Frugalities": 45 Examples Of People Trying To Save But Actually Losing Money, "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" 226. "A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! A thief stuck a pistol in the man's ribs and said: "Give me your money.". Then, after getting his tofu hot dog, the Buddhist hands the vendor a $20 bill. "God said yes.The guy said, "God, can I have a penny? 281. Man overboard! Theyre both purple except for the rabbit. In the piano! The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. You look drunk. When he is talking to the Dean at the college, the Dean says to Jim: You will be taking 4 classes: English, Math, Science, and Logic. Patient: "Doc, my bum hurts"Doctor: "Where specifically does it hurt? 233. Why couldnt Captain America find Thors brother? Please hang out with me awhile and check it out! Feeling insulted, the police officer still asked politely who he was looking for. Why did the bee get married? 74 Long Jokes That Tell Some Pretty Hilarious Stories As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?". Where does the General keep his armies? Where do learn how to make ice cream? He gets out of the car and walks over to the rabbit. Because the bed wont go to you! Best friends, eat your lunch. "I've been here only 20 minutes!". said the barber. 175. 264. Why are the Irish so wealthy? ", Nah. Fish and ships. Why haven't you spoken before? How does a penguin build his house? - The wheels, because they are always tired. By the bark. Why cant you trust an atom? You scared the living daylights out of me! The discovered mummy, on display at the party hall, suddenly woke up. 217. What do you call a group of disorganized cats? 212. 187. If you pronounce Uranus correctly (Eur-uh-nus) then this joke makes no sense A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him.He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying, "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. The owner asks whether it is too spicy or sweet or salty. 109. But you need to wear these condoms to stop me from getting pregnant.". A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant. Batman! Why did the photograph go to jail? 110. Because nothing gets under their skin. 273. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? Because you should never drink and derive. The mosquito said that he had a lot of problems.